Guilt or Shame?

I have been realizing that there is a big difference between guild and shame, between victim & Victor.

Guilt says I did something wrong.

Shame says I am wrong and leaves the person dark, depressed & powerless.

Guilt is focused on the behavior whereas shame focuses on the person.

Knowing the difference is really important esp if you want to move forward & grow in life.

Be empowered learn shame resiliency. Be kind to you for all that you are doing to grow.

Never stop growing!!

Pay attention to how you speak to you! Are you shaming yourself? Are you focusing on the act rather than the person?

Sooo important! Let’s all be less judgemental towards ourselves first then, spread out towards others

Make it an awesome week!

Till next time



Moving Forward with peace

As I go onward in this journey, I was struck by the many times, I need to be truthful here, that I have wasted my energy wishing I had done something different in my past, made a different decision, etc.

I heard it said today that If I would do that parts of me would not exist today.

Life is growing and in growing we make mistakes, some because of lack of knowledge, others, I don’t believe we should call them mistakes as all the other beauty that came out of it would be erased too.

What I really want to get across here is you are who you are today because of everything that you passed through.

Have you ever noticed every time you go “backward” and you do whenever you look in the rearview mirror, all of your energy that is meant for today is used up beating yourself up over the past, shoulds

I should have, I would have blah blah blah.

STOP BULLYING YOURSELF!! please hear me.

Life is about growing and moving forward, Please just make peace with your past– You will not move forward until you do, and just be kind to you, and love who you were created to be, and be your best version of you!!

From this day forward, be grateful for who you are now and enjoy the journey being you!

Lord, thank you for all the things, events that have happened in my past, thank you that

they happened for me not to me.


Till next time.


People Pleaser?

As I consider my life up to this point, I  realize much of it has been in the “People Pleasing” state.  What do I mean by that? Living to be accepted by others and in doing so, not being fully who I was created to be.

That is quite a revelation considering that I am now in my 50’s.  I wonder if it has much to do with my growing up years or?

However in came about, I think it’s that age old fear of rejection. Saying what people want to hear not what is really in your heart to say.

I have recently come to realize if we are not being true to who we are, we are not being truly genuine.

To be true to you requires courage and when you are true to you, to that deep down part of you, something wonderful happens,

You begin to develop self-respect, and when you do that, others will respect you.

When you shine, you give others permission to shine!

Make it a truly beautiful day friends!

Be YOU!  There is no one on the earth with your gift!







Be True To You

In this time of so many distractions, it can be difficult to just be quiet and consider who you are.

It’s possible to just keep so busy that only time passes and you stop and wonder. Am I really living the life that I am meant to live? Am I really, truly being genuine?

Am I being true to my spirit deep within? Or, am I in the ever popular people pleasing mode because you know, what will they think of me if I…..

It takes courage, to be honest. Because it may require change, and who likes change?

This is a question that is difficult to answer, it’s difficult because depending on how you answer it, may require change.

It’s funny how that fear works because unless you are an innate object, you will change, all living things change, the difference is you can embrace the change or you can run from it.

I have found that fear of change = comfort zone.

I also realize that comfort zones = dying.

I was listening to a talk on Youtube the other day and it was about regrets, He said if you fast forward your life say, 20 years and you regret not making the decision that you are struggling with, it’s time to do the opposite. Make that decision no matter how scary it is, Regret is scarier I promise.


Till next time,







Look for the blessings

Here it is the day after my birthday, I won’t say how young only to say I was guessed to be 45. 🙂 I will take it.   Unexpected compliments are blessings. 🙂

I work at a hospital casual on call just to keep busy and I really enjoy being around people  This position is a blessing.

I have realized today that I have many people in my life that care for me and support me going through a tough personal time.  Another blessing.

As I went through today, I choose to count my blessings. They were many.

I realized how much time I have spent focusing on the negatives. Time to change that.

When it’s raining out,  the sun is always above the clouds, we can’t always see it, but it’s there.

As I was out and about today, I heard the birds singing,,,, Yes they were singing in the rain,  they were not complaining but singing. 🙂

I spent my day today with special ladies from my church group and was cherished. It was lovely to enjoy cake and coffee and yes we did pray together. Another blessing.

Hint: Prayer works to keep our focus on being thankful and also help us to cease from judging others as we instead pray for them.

Later, after my shift at the hospital, I enjoyed being spoiled by my oldest daughter and my youngest son. I am blessed.

As I sit and contemplate my life, I am excited about the future, Why?  Because I  see how much I have been given.  I am blessed

So, basically, I am encouraging you no matter where you are or what you are going through, look for the blessings and as you do, you will be empowered, and encouraged.

It is changing your focus from looking “down” to looking  “up” It really makes a difference in your whole being.

Try it, I would love to hear your feedback.

Till next time,



Growing Pains

I remember well having growing pains as a young girl growing up. These were physical pains. The pain I want to talk about is the pain of not being real. The pain of pretense. Living in a way that causes pain & sadness deep within your being.

It’s because you are not being who you really are, either because you fear rejection or, you are just so dead within.

I have been considering the matter of pain for quite some time.  There is the pain of regret, and pain of discipline, I want to add another, the pain of not being genuine.

All of us as humans have a desire to be loved and completely accepted for who we are. To be in a relationship of total love and acceptance.

Sometimes, we think we are loved because we believe the words spoken to us instead of really looking at the actions as well or instead of.

People always act according to how they feel. Our emotions fuel our actions.

We really need to consider our thought life, what kind of thoughts are directing our actions?

I know, as humans we can mess up, but hear me in this.

People are creatures of habit when they show you over and over again who they are, believe them.

Look in the mirror today and speak the truth about how you feel about you.  Are you being the best you can be?

From the truth go forward, we have all been given a sense of life within us, a conscience, gut instinct.

This was put into you by your creator and is not a lie!! Hear the speaking!

Pray for light in your situation, believe me, the God of light will hear and answer your heart’s cry.

I believe in you!



Being real, authentic, words we hear a lot these days but with all the craziness of life and so many distractions, how is it possible? And if it is attainable, how on earth can we develop the quality of being genuine?

First, we need, to be honest with ourselves. Speak the truth.

Do you have clear set boundaries? Personal. emotional. spiritual?

Being genuine is being congruent with what you believe and how you act. This is the first part of change being honest.

If you say one thing and do another on the other side of the scale, you are double minded. Not much authenticity there. Actually kind of wishy-washy.

In order to change anything, there must first be a decision to change, this requires total honesty.

Real solid change happens when light shines on the thing that needs to change.


Get in a quiet place, go for a walk early in the morning alone. Yes go alone, be quiet as you walk. Notice the nature around you. Listen for the still small voice within.

Consider, pray about where you are in your life now.

Ask yourself,  are you happy with you? Are you doing your best in all that you do?

Be honest! If you want to seek to be genuine, it starts with you.  What do you believe about your current situation? Are you open to change?

Change is hard but so is staying the same. We get to pick our hard

Be brutally honest today, when you do this, it’s the first step.

Till next time,


Emotional IQ

Strange that I would use this picture with the topic. Yes at first, but lets get into the meaning of emotional IQ then possibly you might see where I am going with this.

What exacctly is Emotional IQ?

Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt enviroments or achieve one’s goal(s).[1]  Wikipedia 

From the above definition, it says to manage ones emotions. 

Have you ever been in a situation where a “small” seemingly insignificant matter causes a huge upset in you or another person?

If we allow smaĺl, insignificant things to cause huge upets in our being, it may be time to consider taking action to calm ourself. Hence, the above picture of nature, quiet, and if you go early enough, its a fresh, crisp new day to spend quiet time with you and your thoughts. I like to go early in the morning, express gratitude, pray for my family and the day ahead.

While walking consider your own feelings and how to express them in a thoughtful, caring way.

Naming feelings can be challenging for those of us who feelings  were not validated growing up. -That’s another topic.

For today, take care of your emotions in a healthy way,.

Walk, write, whatever helps you to share those emotions. 

Till next time,


The Future Is NOW

As I ponder the past couple of weeks, I consider how I am spending my days..

Am I making decisions that are emotionally based or, are they carefully considered with the end in view?

Very often, we make decisions that are based out of fear, or some false belief.

A decision was made and two years later, are you still feeling good about it?

I have learned that if my gut instinct is feeling no then, I must speak my no otherwise, a decision is made, and regrets come.

I am learning  through this experience that letting go, releasing those “would have”, “should haves” are also  important for moving forward.

Our learning always happens when mistakes are made. Always

Every choice we make, action we take, will have a future result.

Take eating, if I carelessly put anything into my mouth, I will end up sick or just plain tired with no energy to do what I need to do.

Life without planning is no life at all

Are you planning for your nest egg? If not now, when?

If you fail to plan, plan to fail

What does the next five years look like for you?

Start an action plan by writing down 3 goals for the next five years.

There is something that happens when   you write your goals down,

start dreaming again.

Dare to dream again,


20160225_132908Personal flotation devices   we all have them. Things or habits that we have gotten used to hanging on to.

This thought came to me while chatting with  a teammate while swimming.

We were sharing about things we hang on to in our lives that may actually be a hinderance to  our growth.

Comfort zones actually hinder our going on in our life, instead of growing, when you think about growing, there is movement, when you think about being in a comfortable place, there is very little, if any movement.

As we go on in our lives it becomes necessary to become really honest with ourselves.

Are you really happy with who you have become? What is your passion? What do  you really enjoy doing?

Are you happy with where you are at? Are there things that you are wanting to do but have been allowing fear to hold you hostage?

What makes your heart sing? what brings a smile to your face when you think about it?

What do you need to let go of in order to move forward?

These are important things to consider as you plan your future. Are you living your own life or, someone else;s?

Something to consider.

Till next time,